THE SNOOZEFEST DATE: When He’s Hot… But Boring

You guys.  I had a nice date last night with “Charlie.”  But when I say nice, what I really mean is, booooooring.  When I find myself on a date fantasizing about brushing my teeth and going to sleep, that’s probably an indication that there isn’t (or shouldn’t) be a second date.

He was hot.  I know you might not be impressed when I say this, but he was like a super-attractive version of Rob Schneider. Continue reading “THE SNOOZEFEST DATE: When He’s Hot… But Boring”

SUPER LIKING BY ACCIDENT: Because God Forbid You Made Someone’s Day

Jesus Christ, people.  We’ve got a narcissist fucktard as our Commander-in-Chief, women are STILL sexually harassing men in the workplace, and everyone else is either an opiate addict or a Type 2 diabetic.  So if there’s one non-shitty thing you can do for another wretched person on this doomed planet, DO IT.

That means not making a big fucking drama-queen deal about super-liking someone by accident.  Go ahead, let them furiously masturbate to the idea that you’re furiously masturbating to their driver’s-side-selfie profile pic!  (What is it with dudes and car selfies btw?)  Let them feast on your precious crumbs of unintentional flattery in those blissful moments before you shatter their dreams by un-matching them from your tired queue of People Who Meet Your Totally Arbitrary Standards for Physical Attractiveness But Who Are Probably Cold and Dead on the Inside.

VERDICT: Consider it community service, bitches!

DEAD ENDS: The Conversation Dud

Some Tinder conversations start out strong.  A guy contacts you and gets you right away with witty banter — fun!  So you go back and forth, rapid fire, for a few minutes, even hours.  And then… THUD.  He responds with something so dull, or so un-interactive, that it seems totally intended to halt the conversation in its tracks.

But this isn’t your everyday dumb comment/response.  Dead-ends happen only when your match takes a loooooooong time to reply to your last text… then hits you with a dud.

Think about it: if he really liked you, he’d come back with something strong, something designed to get you back into the swing of convo again, right?  But when he does this (see last comment below), you know it’s time to move along.  Don’t waste your time, princess — un-match this bitch!