STFU ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS: You’re Dead to Me So Save Your Breath

How’s your day? Is it Wednesday yet?

Not too bad, busy. But I have to say, I’m a little apprehensive about coming over on Wednesday.

Ohhh, I get it. You had fun giving me the full-court press up until last night and making out Sunday but the minute I prioritize writing over you, you try to make me feel like a stupid slut. Thanks asshole

Maybe it’s nerves. Defense mechanisms. I didn’t plan to meet anyone.

Or maybe it’s because you think you’re God’s gift but you’re really just a pasty cracker with sleep apnea and a beer gut

Not cancelling.  Maybe I’ll even re-think this by tomorrow.
How’s your day?

Great, now that you reminded me why I hate people

Is it egotistical of me to think it’s not totally great because I’ve been wishy-washy?

You are egotistical. But good to hear you’re also self-aware

I really hope I didn’t ruin your day or mood today. Just sharing my thoughts/feelings, weird and/or unfounded as they may be or seem to be.

Fuck your feelings

Isla and I had Chinese food for dinner. Thought I’d send you these.

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One is just nonsense.

Naw bro, you are nonsense.

So, I still need to see your tattoos…

All you need to know is that they’re there to remind me why I should stay away from you

PROFILE NO-NOS: Wannabe Wittiness With a Side of Spelling/Grammar Errors

Guys, I got my first submission to Tinder Angst! It’s actually from my coworker/partner-in-crime in this fledgling Tinder sisterhood.

At first when she showed me Mr. Emmanuel’s profile, I was like, “oh yeah, so bogus when people can’t bring themselves to show their FACE in profiles” (can we all agree that faces are like 89-100% of the game? Duh).

But as it turned out, my coworker had an even better reason to left-swipe. Poor Emmanuel, who fancies himself 27% rogue warrior, mistook himself for a cosmetic product (and a totally 80’s one at that): rouge.

And as long as the Tinder copy-editing police are cruising, I’ll throw in another error I winced at: leaving out the “ly” at the end of “physical.”

VERDICT: Stay classy, Emmanuel.